Java with Justin

Soon after moving to Nashville, I was told by someone, “This industry is full of people that are not here to make your dreams come true. This is an industry full of people that are trying so hard to make you go back from where you came from. So, you have to show them how badly you want this.” When I heard that I thought it was a statement, but I did not realize at the time that it was a bit of advice.

The music industry is difficult to break into. American Idol and similar show make seem as if it something you can do with breaking a sweat. In the case of American Idol, it may be true but you have show the industry how badly you wanted to be a part of it in the first place. Where Carrie Underwood was once quoted in a television interview, as saying, that American Idol made it easy to get her name out there but once she entered the industry, that is when the real work started.

Recently, I had recorded a few songs that were covers of songs that people had heard many times before. They are not the best recordings, not only because I had recorded them in my apartment, but because I am by no means a recording engineer. I was asked by the company that I currently work for, to record a few songs in order to give them an idea of what I sound like. The recordings were not intended to be handed to music producers or anyone in the music industry.

I thought I would send the recordings to a few friends that I have outside of the music industry to get their opinion. Never did I imagine that one of the friends that I had sent them two would send them off to a music producer that has worked with the likes of Britney Spears and Ashlee Simpson, just to name a few. The feedback that I had gotten from the music producer, or should I say second-handed feedback, was that I should pursue another dream because singing was not what I was supposed to do with my life. I do realize that some music producers work with singers and genres of music that fit their own person taste, but it still hurts when you heard someone flat out say that you suck. You begin to doubt yourself and wonder if you have wasted time on a dream that was never meant to become reality in the first place.

I have always been told to have a thick skin. Over the years I have built my skin up to take whatever people have to say about my voice and my musical talent. Sometime it just hurt to have someone tell you that you do not have what it takes.

Last night I feel so down about myself. Where it was as if I was saying, excuse me, pity party for one. I am trying so hard to use this as fuel to keep pushing and keep follow the dream that I have had since I was little. To have just one album released. To have just one time to turn on the radio and hear myself. Sometime it seems that the more that I try to follow this dream, the more that it feels so far away. Perhaps it is because I have wanted this dream to be reality for so long.

Don't ever give up on your dreams, because I'm not ready to give up. I've only just begun. One rejection is just another step closer.

Perhaps everyone has that one song that helps you to make it through a certain rough time in life, that causes you to start feeling that no one knows what it is that you are going through. Some people or many people search for a piece of writing, a video blog on sites like youtube or even a song to say what they can't seem to put into words.

Whenever I am not putting my thoughts and feelings into lyrics, I am searching for that song that will say what I have tried so hate to say in thousands of words. One song that I have been playing over and over on my Ipod whenever I'm in the car or sitting at home is "What I Can Not Change," which is  co-written and recorded by LeAnn Rimes. Since the first day of hearing the lyrics of the song, I have related to it. 

I have tried so many time to change things that were out of my hands. Things in my past, things about people that are in my life, but I realize that there are only things about myself and my surroundings that I can change.

Like the lyrics of  "What I Can Not Change" say, I know what makes me comfortable / And I know what make me tick / And when I need to get my way / I know how to pour it on thick // Cream and sugar in my coffee / Right away when I awake / I face a day, and pray to God / I won't make the same mistakes // All the rest is out of my hands / I will learn to let go what I can not change / I will learn to forget what I can not change / I will learn to love what I can not change / But I will change, yeah I will change / Whatever I, whatever I can // Yeah I don't know my father / Or my mother well enough / Seems like every time we talk / We can't get passed the little stuff / Pain is self-inflicted / I know it's not good for my health / Yeah but it's easier to please the world / Then it is to please myself." 

Whenever I hear the lyrics, I begin to think about my relationship with my family, but my relationship with my parents in particular. I think about everything that I need to learn to let go of, things that I need to forget, and things that I need to learn to love, just of that I take move on and face every passing day.  Every once in a while a song comes along to help you to heal old widoms of the past and accepting things that you can not change. 

I have learned to let go of things of my past, and learned to try to forget about things that cause pain, and love whatever I can not change about my life, but it's an everyday challenge. 

Thank you, LeAnn and Darrell Brown for writing this song. 

Can't believe that my nephew is 6 years old today (May 30). Seems like yesterday that he was a baby where I was rocking him to sleep whenever I would watch him. I remember the days where I was called "Uncle Gunkin" because he was unable to my name. Time flies by and he just finished he first years of elementary school. Just reminds me that little man is not going to be little for long. Hope he had a great birthday.

I called him when I was on my way to work when I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday. He was more focused on the fact that he was going to be going to his birthday party in 15 that our phone conversation was straight and to the point. That is too cute.

Once again, it has been a while since I had last written a blog entry. I have been taking some time to deal with things that life has brought into my life over the last few months, whether they are matters with the family, work, and the reason that I came to work in the first place.

Things are playing out in ways that are in and out of my control, but that's a part of being an adult. 

I recently recorded an audition demo to try and get back into performing. I am my own worst critic so I found a lot of problems with my vocals. Once I was able to get through each song I had my roommate sit down and listen and if he thought it sounded good I was not going to touch the recording again. 

One things I had not thought about for a while until recently was the fact that I had almost not moved to Nashville. Just like many people that moving out of their zones of comfort, I was not sure I was able to make it. I had moved away from my family in North Carolina to chase after my dreams of living in Nashville, trying to break into the music business and starting the journey of life on my own. I feared the unknown. 

In February 2008, I packed what ever I could in my little Chevy and drive by myself to Music City. Every few hours, I began to have doubts of whether or not I was making the right decision. With ever step at a rest stop or gas station I had thoughts of turn back and entering back into my comfort zone. 

I am glad that I did not turn back around. Living here in Nashville has been challenging and I know that there is always going to be challenges. 

Hey Folks,

I do realize that it has been a while since I had last written a blog entry and I am sorry about that. I have been focusing more on working things out in my personal life, so the professional and internet side of my life has been slowing down a bit.

I have had a few project come my way involving modeling, but they had seemed to fallen through. One thing that I have learned a lot in the pursuit of having some kind career in modeling that many opportunity can come your way, and can easily fall through. 

One thing that I am working on is a way to get back into preforming on stage. I have been working on developing connections in the music world, but I have not preformed in anywhere in Nashville since I moved here over a year ago. So, I felt that in order to get used to get in front of an audience again I would would on seeing what I can do with the connection that I current have. After talking with the director of entertainment, I was told that I would have to record a few songs so that they could pass it around to various people within the company. It looks like I need to get to working on that. 

That's all that I have for you right now. Keep looking back to see what all is going on with me via of my blogs or my Myspace page ( http://www.myspace.com/justinmhowell )  or my Twitter page ( http://www.twitter.com/justinhowell ).

Take it easy.

It looks as though I have finally made Tennessee officially my home. Both yesterday and today, I had went to get my plates updated and had my license switched over to Tennessee from North Carolina. The guy behind the counter thought that I was 17. Do I really look at that young? That's good old genetics for you.

About 3 weeks ago I had the opportunity to go and work with the students of Nossi School Photography. It was a big learning experience for me, where for the first time I was having to working with more than one photographer at once.

After a few minutes of being there I had figured that even though I had knowledge of posing and styling of clothing that I would take a step back. The reason that I say that is that in most of the photo shoots that I am a part of I put the trust of the photo shoot in the photographers hands. I use them as my mirror to let me know if an expressions is good or I need to tighten up a pose.

I had taken time to piece outfits to use in the photo shoot with the assistance of a good friend of mine that I have worked with on other photo shoots.

When I got to the location of the school's studio, I felt that it was a laid back atomsphere that I had never done a photo shoot up to this point in. After changing into the different outfits, I started to go into the different formluar poses that I had used in pervious photo shoots, and taking any directions that I had received from the photography students. At many points in the photo shoot I had about 3 cameras pointed at me where I never knew which camera to look at. The students were given freedom to shoot thy way that they felt lead to, without the instructor in sight, which might have let the creativity flow.

It had been a while since I had worked with photographers that were just starting out with their craft to see the hunger that they had to capture a moment in time, where it was not yet a job and it was a fun hobby. I hope that by working with them that they had learned something and had gotten a step closer to whatever dreams that they might have. I know that I had learned a lot in this experience and  was reminded of things that I might have forgotten.

Hey Folks,

I am disabling the ability to comment on my blog posting for a while or at least until I feel that I will no longer get spam on my entries. If you like something that I wrote or you are curious to know more about what all is going on in my life as far as my career, please do not hesitant to email me at justin@justinhowellonline.com or find my profile on MySpace or Facebook. Just thought that I would let anyone that follows me blog entries why they are not able to post a comment.

Take it easy.

Hey folks! I trust that every one is had a good day.

It looks as though we are a few months into the year and what a year it has been. I have been experiencing life here in Nashville, Tennessee and dealing with the different trials that life can bring. I have been spending the last few months just laying low and hope I can get back into the modeling world and see what all happens in the coming year. In the time that I have been laying low, I have been taking the time to write and develop my craft of trying to become a lyricist in the music business. I hope that I will have the chance to hear my words come to life on the radio one day, even if I am not the vocalist that is singing them. 

In the past year I have learned so much about myself. Who knew that moving to a new city a year ago would open my eyes in a way that they have never been before in my life. I have allowed myself to be loved and love someone back. I have accepted myself for who I really am and not try to hide in the darker the pieces of me that I feel that people would not accept. Because we know that God does not make a mistake. 

Even if you don't keep an ear out for me, I hope that you will at take keep an eye out for me, because I am going to try even more this year to make my dreams of being in the music business and modeling world a reality. We all want to leave a mark in this world and this just so happens to be mine.

As always keep checking back to my blog and my website, as well as my profile on MySpace as to what might be going with me.

I hope that everyone had a good Valentine's Day yesterday. I had the opportunity to go to a concert of Little Richard's last night, where they also had the Tams along with Little Anthony and the Imperials. My roommate had won the tickets without entering himself into the contest, he just got an email letting him know to pick up the tickets. Not only was it a good concert, where I had the opportunity to see different prefomers in concert with songs that I used listen to when I was little, but I had the opportunity to see them preform at the Grand Ole Opry House. I had never gone to preform there before and I am sure that it will not be the last.

It recently came to my attention that someone or many other people have been going online pretending to be me.  I understand that this is something that happens to other people just not me.  I do not know how it is that the person in particular was trying to past their self off as me, but I am glad that it is something that has come to my attention.

I have heard from different friends that this is something that happens to them and I was naïve to think that it was something that would never happen to me.  I used to think that it would be flattering if someone would pretend to be me, but my thoughts are different now that I am part of the group of individuals that have people passing their selves to be someone else that they are not.

I realize that I might put out too much detail of who I am as a person out there to give fuel to who ever out there might want to pretend to be me.  I do not want to feel that I need to take information off of different profiles that I have on MySpace, facebook and various modeling sites in which that I am a part of, as well as my personal website to not give other the opportunity to be a faux version of me.  

 

Hey Folks,

I know that it has been a month since the last time that I had blogged about anything that was going on in my life or what my thoughts were about something in particular. The most that I can say is that my life has been a little interesting to say the least. I just like many have been looking for a job, and even though I have only been looking for a month there is nothing that has been happening as a result of my putting my resume out there.

What happened was that the company that I work for (yes, I say work for because I still technically have a job with them) had decided to lay us off until sometime in April because of it being the off season. When I was hired I was told that I would not have to get another job at any point because they would find work for me when the off season would be present. As a result of being laid off I have to look for another job because I need to have money coming in, which I'm sure that many people out there can relate to this. But, if there is any one that might be reading this that has a job opening in the Nashville area, please let me know and I will be more than happy to send my resume out to you.

I was not meaning to have this blog entry be about me being in search of a job, but I guess when I said that I would be letting you what was going on with me, I was being honest. 

As for my modeling, I don't have anything set in stone. I have been talking to different photographers about were with them to get the process rolling. I also hope that being a part of On Display Men Agency that I will be able to get some kind of modeling gig every once in a while.

With my writing, I am forever writing what is going on in my life and different things that I can relate to in my lyrics. I am even writing our people stories that I feel that many people can relate to. I am still working at that and will continue trying to get some of my dreams of being in the music industry or the literary world, no matter what may be occurring in my life at the time.

Well that's it for now. Don't be stranger. Take care.

Hey Folks,

I was thinking recently about the possiblities of this year and what all could happen. For the first time in my life I do not have any plans that are set in stone as to what will happen in my life during 2009.

I do hope that I can continue with different things that I had been able to do in the past year, and at the same time I think about everything that got me out of my comfort zone. By moving here to Nashville, it gave me the chance to experience life on my own and see whether or not my dreams have the chance to become reality. I do realize that I throw around that statement of making my dreams come true and assume that everyone will know what all they are. Those of you that know me personally know what they are and how long I have had those dreams, and how long I have tried to pursue them. 

I know that not everyone that visits my website, blog or any where that you might be able to find photos of knows what my dreams are. I thought that I would take the time to let you know what my dreams are exactly. Just like everyone that walk this face of this earth I have the common dreams of life, where you want to find someone that will love you for who you are and the possiblities of having a family. I have no worries about the dreams reguiding my personal life will come true.

My big dreams that I know may not become a reality and go through this life just scratching the surface in pursuing them, are not easy to make a reality. Since I was a little boy I have wanted to be recording artist and recording songs that I would write the lyrics for. I also, want to write a novel and possibly become a published author. When I comes to my pursuit of modeling, I am hope to one day see my face in ad you will find in a magazine and may be a billboard. 

That's it for now. Take care and keep checking back with me.

Hey Folks,

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year and best of luck in the future. 

 

Hey Folks,

Thought that I would take the time to wish you a Merry Christmas and bring you a little up to speed in what all is going on with my model and music.

With my music it is on hold I guess that you could say, I am continuing to write lyrics and make connections with different people in the music business. As for my modeling, I am continuing make connection with different people in that modeling business and updating my portfolio and hopefully the year will bring opportunities my way. 

One thing that you won't be seeing from me in the next year, but you might want to keep your eyes open because I have always wanted to write a book. It's something that I have wanted to do since I got out of high school. 

With the great work of Robert Rhea, I have been able to start the progress of updating my website, portfolio and place a banner directing people to my website on my profile on myspace (www.myspace.com/justinmhowell). 

Whether you are a model wanting to update your portfolio, wanting to have photos of your family or maybe you have a child that is graduating with high school wanting something unique to you, wanting to having your wedding or an event that you might be having photographed, you can contact me at justin.howell@robertrheaphotography.com. His rates are affordable and gives you the chance to tell your story through a photograph. You can look at the work that I have had with him and also visit his website: www.robertrheaphotography.com. 

Happy Holidays. 

 

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